


The Whispers of Yesterday

by noblenymphadora



Category: The Fall (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblenymphadora/pseuds/noblenymphadora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Stella pays a visit to Reed's house she's met with the unexpected realisation that her children are there. But in the spirit of Christmas she sticks around and watches as an interesting evening pans out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as Christmas present for @vlahohohos (on twitter) and thought I may aswell let you lot read it too.  
> It's pretty cute and festive but I tried to keep them as much in character as possible.  
> Hope you enjoy, Merry Christmas!

Stella feels uneasy and after a night spent genuinely trying to sleep on the rickety camp bed in her office this wasn't surprising. After a night's sleep interrupted by fierce nightmares of Paul Spector she is almost afraid to even close her eyes. Ever since seeing Reed's number light up on her phone her heart has been racing. It's not common place for a detective to turn up at a pathologist's house in the early evening on the vague grounds of discussing a case. More so, it's not common place to be invited there in the first place. The guilt about Rose is burning strong within them both and nobody else can truly understand it, nobody else is responsible for encouraging her to come forward. That was all down to them.

She steps out of the car when she spots the black motorbike propped in a space outside what Stella is sure to be Reed's house, her heart pounding childishly. As she walks towards the door she sees a face pressed against the glass in the window. The face of an inquisitive little girl. Stella feels her stomach drop. She hadn't thought this through before hand. The burning temptation in her tells her to turn around and leave, but that's not fair on Rose she thinks. That's not fair on Reed either. A few raps of her knuckles on the door and the deed is done. A few seconds feel like an eternity and then the door opens.  
"Well, hello there Stella." Reed begins with a smile mixed with a grimace due to how cold it is outside.  
"Hello. I didn't know your girls were going to be here." Stella mumbles, playing down this new pang of anxiety as her heart still races. She didn't sign up for this. This isn't what she does.  
"They weren't going to be," Reed begins as she motions to Stella to come in, for the second time, "they're going to their dad's but he's late."  
"Ahh, I see." Stella breathes, unsure what else is really suitable for this situation.  
"They're not going to bite, Stella. They're preoccupied anyway and I'm sure he won't be long." Reed half grumbles and half laughs, unsure how Stella is feeling but that's no surprise, as she learned recently she never seems to know.  
Stella still knows very little about the woman's personal life and even less about her children and what Stella doesn't know terrifies her.   
"It's freezing Stella, so either come in or just leave... please." Reed retorts, raising an eyebrow in frustration but her voice betrays her false confidence and Stella notices, but of course says nothing. A slight smirk graces her lips and how can Stella say no to that? She steps inside and knows she's lost. Reed has the upper hand now. This isn't her territory and she knows it. Oh she knows it. She casually hangs her coat on the bannister, claiming her territory, the house feels like a sauna compared to the cold office. Reed has already gone back into the living room and Stella stands in the hallway, leaning nonchalantly against the outside of the doorframe.  
"It's a friend from work," she replies as her youngest girl asks who was at the door.  
"What's her name?" she is questioned again, Stella daren't even step through the door. She can't face this right now. She didn't sign up for this.   
"Her name's Stella," Reed tells her, bending down to her level. Stella unwittingly smiles to herself at the way Reed says her name and then notices and stops herself, embarrassed.  
"Mummy, why is she just standing in the door?" she asks now, furrowing her little eyebrows just like her mother. Stella didn't sign up for this.  
"I don't know... Let me go and find out." She laughs, ruffling her daughter's dark curls as she stands back up. Her other daughter is sat on the floor, at the foot of a christmas tree that's completely bare save for the lights. She's meticulously sorting through baubles ready to decorate it with.  
"Stella, are you going to stand there all evening propping my wall up?" She questions her playfully, hiding her nervousness rather well. She's in her own home, she's in control of the situation.  
"Hmm," Stella hums almost to herself, tracing the woman's face with her eyes. She slinks past Stella in the doorway and goes and locks the front door out of sheer habit. Every part of Stella's skin tingles when Reed skims her as she slides past. This is ridiculous. This is weakness. Stella didn't sign up for this. After she hangs the keys back up on their hook, Reed walks up behind the blonde who's blocking her doorway. Slightly taller than her at present due to the height of her heels compared to her slippers, Reed stretches slightly to reach her companion's ear. Stella can feel her breath on her neck and her body tenses of its own accord. Her breath hitches in her throat slightly but she hides it impeccably well. This is the first thing she's allowed herself to feel fully since the moment she realised Spector had been in her hotel room two nights previous.  
"Stella Gibson, get out of my doorway!" Reed commands as though she's talking to a stubborn child and for a moment any nervousness melts away. Stella turns her head towards Reed as she moves away again and cannot help but smile slightly, lips pursed in mild amusement. Reed smiles back with a warmth that Stella welcomes in her current state of mind. It's great to see. She pokes the blonde in the back to encourage her into the room and then goes to the sofa to move a huge pile of papers and the odd christmas decoration. Stella sits down on the leather, awkwardly, unsure what she's supposed to do with herself now. Utterly forgetting why she came here in the first place. It doesn't even matter now. Her legs crossed at the knee, defensive. Reed kneels down next to her girls near the tree and Stella feels lost. She feels so out of place. Out of control. Stella didn't sign up for this.  
"Why don't you start putting them on the tree, let's get it finished before your daddy comes to pick you up, shall we?" Reed suggests, gesturing to the baubles and decorations her eldest had arranged all over the floor. Her youngest nods, her curls falling into her face. Her eldest looks up and asks, "How long is he going to be?"   
Reed smiles, her eyes crinkling slightly, "He'll be here as soon as he can sweetie, he's probably held up at work. You know how busy he is."   
"You're always busy too, mum." She replied casually, explaining why you end up working at all hours of the day isn't so easy when you've got an inquisitive 9 year old asking the questions.  
"Your mum helps us to catch all the bad guys," Stella almost hums, her accent captivating Reed but she can't even turn to face her. Reed's youngest daughter smiles at Stella and she wants to stop herself but she cannot help but smile back. The older girl just goes straight back to fiddling with the baubles and standing up to hang the first one on a branch of the tree and her little sister simply follows suit.   
"Do you want a drink?" Reed questions Stella now she's composed herself again, she has to break this tension somehow, "Tea? Coffee?"  
"Anything stronger?" Stella asks without a second thought, after the last two days it was more than well needed.  
"Wine it is then." She laughs slightly, was there even a need to ask? That's almost all she's seen the woman drink since they met. "Girls, bring your glasses here before we start a collection on the fireplace."   
Reed walks out the door towards the kitchen and Stella feels a surge of panic rise inside her. The woman who can look murderers in the face and stare at the bodies of the dead is scared of being alone with children. Well that isn't strictly true, children generally like her but these are Reed's children and it was important that they like her. This is all she can think of. It's stupid and she shouldn't because she was supposed to be here to discuss Rose Stagg and not to impress the children of the woman she has developed feelings for. This shouldn't happen. Stella didn't sign up for this.  
"Stella," the youngest calls out from the floor, "will you help us?"   
Stella is almost certain she's gone as white as a sheet, the blood rushing around her body as she tries to figure out if she even knows how to react to this. Get a hold of yourself woman, she screams in her head. Calm and collected are words that no longer apply when Stella is around Reed, although she does still conceal it rather well.  
"Maybe in a minute, let me go help your mum carry the glasses." She quickly replies, feeling almost childlike. How is she intimidated by children?

Stella makes a break for it in the direction Reed had gone to go to the kitchen and it turns out it's easy to navigate around her house.  
"And why are you here?" Reed retorts, as Stella stands in the doorway with her hands roughly in her pockets.  
"I came to give you a hand." It wasn't technically lying, because she really is there for that but it was only prompted by her nerves.  
"Please will you try and interact with my children? As I said, they won't bite... I promise." Reed laughs but Stella can hear the slight underlying anger at her behaviour.   
"Children are not my comfort zone." The blonde mumbles, leaning against the work top as Reed takes two wine glasses out of the cupboard.  
"Well, consider it me returning the favour from the other night," She replies bitterly, there is no doubt what she means and Stella knows it. "Being kissed in front of strangers isn't exactly my comfort zone either. Maybe it's yours but it's sure as hell not mine." She continues, almost slamming the glasses down against the top.  
"So, that was the issue then?" Stella smiles slightly, crossing one leg over the other as she's standing there.  
"Does that surprise you? Does kissing people in the middle of bars right in front of a stranger not have that effect on a lot of people?" Reed seethes, just leaning one hand on the work top opposite Stella.  
"I don't usually waste time kissing people, surely you've understood that?" Stella responds, her heart rate surprisingly steady, considering.  
"Oh isn't that just charming-" She begins shrewdly until Stella cuts in.  
"Can't you see that that's a compliment?" The blonde probes, an unexpected persuasiveness in her tone as she tucks her hair behind her right ear roughly.  
"What's different about me then?" Reed asks, quelling her frustration due to her genuine intrigue.  
"I care about you." Stella says bluntly. The words burn her throat, her tongue, her lips. They're words she doesn't say often, hardly ever. From Stella this is the greatest compliment. Those words come naturally to her this time. Her mouth shapes each word with ease. The invasion of her privacy two nights previously has driven Stella to say it. Tears are pricking the backs of her eyes and she can feel her cheeks are flushed. Clenching her jaw to stop herself. This is ridiculous. She wasn't going to cry, especially not here. Not now.  
"Really?" Reed is almost stunned by how those words sound leaving Stella's lips.  
"Really." Stella breathes, "You know I'm not one for niceties and I must admit that that generally extends to my love life aswell." She laughs because the words sound so callous, so heartless yet immature all at once.  
"Interesting." Was all that Reed replies with that knowing smile of hers before turning her back to pour them each a glass of wine.  
Stella's heart is beating ten-fold under the silk of her blouse and she runs her hands roughly through her hair in surprise. Why is Reed Smith so complex? Why is the woman before her so difficult to understand? She's normally good at this. She doesn't ever misjudge situations as spectacularly as she did two nights ago. Never. This was different. She didn't sign up for this.  
Crimson liquid sloshing around in two rather large glasses adds to the strange atmosphere now lingering between the two women. Standing on either side of the kitchen, Stella's gaze fixed and Reed's flitting anxiously to and fro from the blonde's face. Her heart in her mouth now, fighting the same internal battle she fought when they kissed. Weighing up the pros and cons, the reasons, the problems. Last time, the overwhelming sense of expectation made her dizzy but now she simply smiles.   
Finally after what feels like an eternity, Reed speaks. "I will say it again Stella, my kids don't bite." She hands over the glass of wine and Stella makes the decision that it was acceptable in present company to down the scarlet liquid in one as a little extra motivation. Dutch courage, as they say. Reed cocks her head and smiles. That smile. Stella doesn't understand how this woman can make her forget, just a little bit, about how truly afraid she is of Spector.   
"Another?" Reed asks, barely waiting for an answer before refilling the glass and heading back towards the front room.  
Stella takes another sip and follows her, feeling that staying in her kitchen is more than just rude now.

The girls have started to make extremely slow progress on decorating the tree and they both turn to look at them as they sit down on the sofa. Before anyone else says a word, a phone starts to vibrate. Stella automatically reaches for hers but it's in her coat pocket, it isn't hers, she breathes out. Reed is already standing up and walking out of the room with the phone to her ear and mouthing the words "sorry, it won't take long" in Stella's direction. Obviously her husband, ex-husband, soon to be ex-husband... him, anyway.  
"That's your dad on the phone now, which means I'm sure he's on his way. Shall we try and get this tree all finished before he gets here?" Stella asks from the sofa. Both girls reply with a drawn out "yes" as she tugs her heels off to make sure she doesn't step on any little fingers.  
"Right, which ones are your favourites?" She begins, kneeling down which is no easy feat in her overly tight pencil skirt.  
"This ones mine!" The youngest squeals as she thrusts a crystal ballerina in Stella's face.  
"Shall we put this one by here then, right where you can see it?" She hangs its string over a branch and it's met with an enthusiastic nod. This is done a few more times before Stella has to stand up again, ever so carefully. Reed is still nowhere to be seen. The oldest girl keeps passing Stella decorations to put on 'wherever looks best' for a few minutes, until almost all the decorations are on there. The little girl passes up a Santa bauble and sits with her mouth open poised to speak.  
"How will Santa know where to bring my presents on Christmas morning?" She asks and Stella's heart drops again. She really didn't sign up for this.   
"Santa knows everything, the elves will let him know where you'll be." She chuckles, the relief washing over this tiny little face was worth it.  
"Stella, do you believe in Santa?" The older girl furrows her brow as she hangs a bauble on a low branch near her.  
"Why? Don't you?" Was her immediate response, it's a blessing that her job has trained her to have the ability to think on her feet.  
"A girl at school said only little kids believe in Santa." She whispers to Stella, it wasn't really whispering at all but in fact a stage whisper.  
Reed was no longer on the phone having an argument with an ignorant man but was now stood in the hallway, looking in on Stella. She stands there in silence, smiling.  
"Well she's lying. I bet she tries to be cool, right?" Stella questions her, suddenly all the nerves she had about spending time with these children melt away.  
"Yeah, she does. How did you know?" Is the prompt response she receives.  
"That's always what happens. But there's nothing wrong with believing in Santa, believing in Santa is cool." Stella reassures her, her lilting accent working wonders. Reed's smile is beaming and she just cannot bring herself to interrupt, she simply stands and sips her wine.  
"I'm sure Santa will bring you lots of nice things for Christmas." She assures them, ruffling the little one's hair and squeezing the eldest's shoulder.   
"We need to put the star at the top," comes the little, desperate voice by the side of her as she picks up the beautiful, glittering ornament.  
"Who's job is that then?" The blonde asks, that was one thing she remembers from when she herself was little, putting the star on top of the tree was always her father's job and God forbid anyone else thought to do it.  
The only reply she received was a shrug from the both of them. "Don't mind." was the reply the eldest girl gave.  
"Okay then little one, grab the star then." Stella prompts her as she gently picks her up, met by a huge, giggly smile. She held her tight as she placed it on top of the tree and then quickly put her back down. Stella had never been more grateful that a tree wasn't any taller because she only just managed to reach. Momentarily her mind shifts to thinking about Paul Spector's children. Does he decorate the tree with them? Does he let little Olivia put the star on the top? Her thought now shifts to Rose's little girl, wondering where her mummy is as it gets closer and closer to Christmas time every day. Urgh! She has to stop herself. Now isn't the time. It's never the time.

Reed is leaning against the doorway with a huge smile as she chews the skin around her fingernails absentmindedly, watching Stella with her girls. It is something so incredibly unexpected she doesn't know how to react. She hasn't moved from her spot because she has no idea what to say. Stella Gibson and children is something she never thought she'd see, and if she had done she wasn't expecting this.  
"Well girls, how do you think it looks? Has all your hard work payed off?" Stella asks as she stands back slightly to look at the tree herself.  
"It looks great!" Came the excitable response from both the girls as they looked up at it.  
"You've done well." Reed calls from the doorway as she starts to walk in. Stella meets her halfway, her cheeks already blushing scarlet.  
"How long have you been standing there?" Stella whispers, leaning on her shoulders as she does so.  
"Long enough." Reed smiles, her heart racing, looking out of the corners of her eyes at her as she walks towards her girls.  
"What do you say to Stella?" She prompts them, looking up at the tree again and not being able to stop herself smiling.   
Words weren't needed as the girls run over to Stella and hug her tightly. Her eyes sting with tears that she hides halfheartedly with a smile.   
"Dad will be here in a minute girls, have you got everything you need?" Reed asks them quickly, expecting one or other of them to remember they need something.  
"We want to stay with Stella." The little one whines, hugging her again. What an odd experience she was having tonight.  
"You'll have a great time with daddy, and I'm sure you'll see Stella again soon." She assures her, guiding her into the hallway to put her coat on and do up it's irritatingly fiddly buttons. A car horn beeps outside and Reed nods at the girls that it's him and unlocks the door. Kissing them both, she makes sure they've got everything and that they get to the car okay and waves them off. After about a minute she slowly closes the door and turns the key tight. Stella is standing meters away from her now. Reed's heart is pounding as she makes a conscious decision. She stands in front of Stella and kisses her awkwardly on the lips, Stella doesn't stop her but doesn't reciprocate either.  
"What's that for?" She asks foolishly, still trapped between Reed and the wall, but she wasn't complaining.  
"You stepped out of your comfort zone, so I'm doing the same." Reed smirks as she is met with a smile, leaning back into to Stella to kiss her again. Her lips are soft, tasting strongly of wine. Her breathing shallow, just like Reed's. "I've never been with a woman before." She adds mid kiss.  
"I've never met someone's kids before I've really kissed them." Stella laughs, breaking the kiss completely now. "It's far too personal for me."  
"You're not romantic, are you Stella?" Reed asks, her breath directed into the crook of her neck.  
"No, no I'm not." She replies honestly, kissing the jawline of the beautiful woman in front of her.  
"That's okay." Reed whispers between kisses, her hand now finding its way to Stella's neck, her cheek. Stella knows this won't end where her usual pursuits end but she accepts that. Reed isn't like her in that respect, she cannot do what Stella does when it comes to sex, it means far more to Reed.  
"I'm not going to sleep with you tonight, Stella." She informs her breathily, propping herself up against the with one arm.  
"I know you're not." Stella reassures her, tucking a strand of dark silky hair behind Reed's ear.  
"Does that bother you?" She dares to ask, feeling as though with each of these questions she is treading on eggshells, stripping away the walls that Stella has.  
"No, not tonight, not with you." Came her quiet response, with a relaxed sigh to follow. Stella couldn't push Reed, it goes against everything she believes in and it wouldn't be fair. Reed's hand is on Stella's waist now, carefully, softly. Not suggesting anything.   
"Come on Stella, another glass of wine?" She asks with a smile, her cheeks flushed pink. A nod and a smile sufficed and Stella went and sat on the sofa and before she knew it Reed was back. She smiled the most genuine smile she has for the last few days through tired eyes.   
"You look ready for sleep." Reed observes, staring down at the blonde half-lying on her sofa.  
"Hmm, I didn't sleep." Stella sighs, her big eyes meeting Reed's and she can't look away.  
"Of course not." Reed replies quietly, sitting on the arm of the sofa Stella is lying on.  
Stella can feels the tears pricking the backs of her eyes again, more forceful this time as she feels at ease in Reed's company. Her eyes heavy with sleep that she's trying to fight off. Falling asleep in Reed's house will just humiliate her.   
After a moment or two, Reed whispers "You were great with my girls, thank you." brushing a strand of Stella's hair away from her face. The woman is asleep. She looks more peaceful than Reed has ever seen her. She can't bear to disturb her now. She daringly slinks into the gap between the back of the sofa and Stella's picturesque frame. Her heart is pounding in her chest as she gently moves a piece of Stella's hair off her face again and leans over to whisper in her ear. "Merry Christmas."   
"Merry Christmas." Stella mumbles with a slight smile. So, it turns out that she wasn't quite sleeping after all. 

Who knows how long they lay there in the light of the Christmas tree, but Reed rests her head on Stella's shoulder and simply listens to her breathing. Amongst all the stress and drama of the case this moment of solace means everything to them. When will they get this opportunity again? Hopefully much sooner than Reed thought she'd want it. This was nice. Really nice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't supposed to be another chapter but then this was in my head so I had to write it. So here we go. I hope it's okay.

Breathing heavy. Harsh, quick intakes of breath. Her chest feels as though it's being crushed. Searing pain in her head; her throat dry and coarse. All she can see is Spector and feel his hands tight around her throat. The tears in her eyes sting like acid. Her father's face now, staring down on her. Her eyes scrunched tight. Struggling to breathe. Spector again now, talking to her... that voice, that threat. Stella starts awake and fumbles her arm around in search of her dream journal, the same as always, the same as every other time Spector has seeped his way into her nightmares. She opens her eyes a crack and the Christmas lights burn them from tiredness as she continues to struggle to catch her breath. No idea where she is until she feels a heaviness behind her on the sofa. Closing her eyes and swallowing hard she tries to recall the evening. She remembers all at once and shakes her head at the fact she's ended up falling asleep on Reed Smith's sofa but there's a gentle smile lingering beneath the panic. She eases herself into a sitting position trying her hardest not to disturb the peacefully sleeping woman behind her. Glancing at her momentarily, she is comforted by how at ease she looks. However nothing can protect the mind once something within it has been set free. She's clutching at the leather now, her eyes closed tight. Berating herself. Hating herself for letting him inside her head. Her jaw is clenched tightly as she channels the anger she feels towards Paul Spector inside her mind. Twitching her legs absent mindedly as some sort of comfort causes Reed to stir from her sleep. It is an almost automatic reaction as she opens her eyes, she reaches out her hand and rubs Stella's upper arm reassuringly. Sitting up now before Stella fumbles with her words of apology or whatever is coming up. Nothing comes. She stares into the Christmas tree before her with an utterly blank gaze. Her breathing slowed down now but it's impossible for Reed not to notice how tightly Stella's fists are clenched. This vulnerability is terrifying. It isn't as though Reed expected her not to be affected but seeing it is different. Seeing this strong woman who is always in control simply stare with nothing but numbness is either terrifying or heartbreaking, maybe both, Reed is too tired to distinguish. She deals with the dead because they do not need comforting, they need to be given a voice and her work gives them that. Comforting doesn't come naturally so getting Stella to talk is the best she can do. She has to reassure her, to ground her. Her hand on her thigh, resting atop the slate grey fabric of her pencil skirt. If it had been anyone else Stella would have thought something of this, maybe at another time, but she looks down momentarily and just acknowledges the delicate hand's reassurance with an almost-smile.   
"It was Spector, wasn't it?" Reed asks carefully, her voice low and quiet in Stella's ear. She closes her eyes tightly and brushes a hand through her hair roughly and plucks up the courage to reply.  
"It's not like it's the first time." Tentative and careful, almost offish, which comes as anything but a surprise to the other woman. "It's different though... He knows me now. He's read my journal. He knows things I wouldn't think to share with anyone." She looks away now, annoyed at herself that she can't shake this dream, trying to hide the waver in her voice as her words catch in her throat, more with anger than with upset.  
"Okay so he's read your diary, I know that's personal but don't take this the wrong way, surely it's not that enlightening for him?" Reed's brow is furrowed, wondering what exactly she is so disgusted that he's read.  
"It's a dream journal, it's a document of all my innermost thoughts, my dreams... and my nightmares." She hesitates a moment and can feel Reed's gaze on her. "The things I've written about... some of them... my father, my childhood, you, even Spector himself. He knows too much."  
Reed waits to see if Stella is going to continue and processes what she's just heard.   
"Can we just go back a second? You wrote about me? So, you dreamt about me? Or at least I hope I wasn't party to your nightmares anyway," Reed almost laughs, not wanting to but not knowing how else to react.  
"Yes okay, I wrote about you but even so, it's dangerous, he's got things he can use against me now... And we need the same on him." Stella is regaining her calm exterior and passive state of anger she usually has.   
Reed just can't help but wonder what Stella wrote about her, what she dreamt about. She doesn't dare ask, that doesn't seem appropriate, especially not now. Moving her hand from her thigh to her clenched fist, gently covering her hand with her own. Stella just looks at her with a melancholy smile.  
"We'll catch him, you know we will. We're closing in on him fast now... it won't be long at all." Reed reassures her, squeezing her hand lightly.  
"Well, I better be off then." Stella states a few moments later out of absolutely nowhere. Faced with too much vulnerability and too many niceties she just wants to escape, that's why she generally avoids this part.  
"Whoa Stella, it's half 3 in the morning." Reed exclaims, unsure really what was going on, maybe she is still asleep she thinks.  
"I'll get a taxi back to the office..." She begins to speak until she notices the raised eyebrows of her companion.  
"You're not sleeping in that office when my house is perfectly fine!" Reed retorts almost too defensively, but she just couldn't let Stella get in a taxi and sleep alone in that cold office when she's seen how vulnerable she truly feels. She wouldn't sleep if she let her go, so she might aswell keep her here and not sleep.  
"I don't want to incon-" Stella doesn't even get chance to finish her sentence before Reed cuts in this time.  
"If you were inconveniencing me you wouldn't have been allowed to fall asleep on my sofa in the first place!" She laughs, standing up from the sofa now and regaining her balance. "Drink?" She asks cocking her head to the side a fraction.  
"Yes." Stella responds far too quickly and Reed's face crumples into a smirk almost immediately, then within seconds they both start to laugh. Stella resting her head in her hands she laughs, chuckles mixed with a sort of sob, not really sure how she is feeling anymore. "I haven't slept that well in a while." She mutters just loud enough for Reed to hear.  
"Stella, it's half 3 in the morning the fact this is the best sleep you've had doesn't bode well." The woman quips but feels a sense of sympathy too.  
"I have so much paperwork to do, I have a press release... an appeal to write." Stella begins, more to herself than to Reed but even so the other woman listens and hangs on her every word.  
"Half three isn't the time to be doing that though, surely?" Reed smirks, but she knows if Stella's set on it she's not going to stop thinking about it now. "I can help you with that." She adds with a smile before going to get drinks.  
Stella runs her hands through her hair again, feeling as though she's in some alternate universe that she never thought about, this totally isn't her style but somehow it feels... surprisingly warming.  
Two tumblers with some spirit or other in them, Stella doesn't really care, anything will do right now. Brandy. The warmth as she lets it slide down her throat soothes her mind, if only momentarily it is still welcome. Reed continues to carefully sip hers for a few minutes longer than Stella, her gaze on her the entire time doesn't go unnoticed.  
"Right, we have a press release thing to write." Reed laughs, she has a feeling whatever they write is going to be useless but there's no way Stella is sleeping now and if that's the case then she isn't either. Stella taps the sofa next to her and smiles, "Take a seat then." Reaching out her hand to the woman stood lurking in the corner of her own living room. She sits and picks up the remote off the floor and flicks on the tv.  
"There's bound to be something festive we can have on, the girls have probably recorded about twenty Christmas movies by now." Reed realises that her tiredness is making her giddy and she's likely to embarrass herself relatively soon if she doesn't contain it.  
"It's been a fair while since I've watched any Christmas film, or at least it feels like it anyway." Stella sighs, shrugging it off slightly.  
"That's just not on, let's rectify that." Reed replies with nothing but seriousness, but she's holding in a laugh as much as she possibly can.   
Stella can do nothing but smile weakly as Reed flicks through the recordings and chooses some cheesy, straight-to-tv movie to put on. 

After a few glasses of wine and very little press release writing the film doesn't seem so bad any more. That's not to say they didn't attempt to write something but it mostly turned out to be useless or the same line over and over until it sounded how Stella wanted it to. The only issue being that Stella doesn't really seem to know what she wants to say so it's getting nowhere. Stella writing line after line in her neat print then scribbling it out becomes increasingly more irritating to Reed until she can't let her torture herself any longer. Reaching out across to her hand she just rests hers on top of it, stilling the pen.   
"Stella, this is pointless, please." She almost begs, her mouth turning into a sort of desperate frown. "It's four in the morning. Stop."  
"Paul Spector doesn't care if it's 4am, and Rose probably doesn't even know it's 4am. I can't stop." Stella implores as she tries to free her hand from Reed's, which isn't all that difficult, except she grabs the pen in the meantime.  
"Take a break, go back to it with fresh eyes once you've slept. This isn't going to help anyone but yourself." She's met with a confused glare from the blonde before she continues. "This may be helping your guilt Stella, but it's not helping anybody else!"  
There is silence for a moment or two until Stella throws the pad of paper to the ground and it lands with a quiet thud.  
"You're still thinking about it, I can see it in your eyes. Ignore it, distract yourself." Reed casually suggests as she turns to the tv to fast forward an advert. Stella sits there for a few seconds until she leans forwards and before Reed knows it her face is being pulled towards Stella's, their lips crashing together again. She's distracting herself, but it really isn't what Reed had meant.  
"Stella!" She gasps between kisses, a slight frustration to her voice. Stella kissing her neck now, her collar bones. Reed's breath hitches awkwardly in her throat, a mixture of anticipation and then overwhelming anxiety.   
"Stella, stop it." Reed calmly demands and the blonde does exactly that and sits back up quickly. She cannot be a hypocrite, she cannot force this. She's frustrated at herself already.  
"I-I- Sorry." She mumbles awkwardly, something else she isn't used to. The men she tends to sleep with are usually begging her by now. But Reed isn't one of them, Reed is different, Reed is an exception.  
"Stella, you know I can't. I'm sorry, I can't." She sighs, raising her eyebrows and talking with her hands to hammer home the fact.  
"You shouldn't apologise, I'm sorry. I'm just used to... well, I usually just have sex, that's not news to you. I can disconnect, it's easy." Stella begins but then looks away in confusion, the words leaving her mouth before she really registers them scare her. "Romance is hard, romance is commitment, romance gets boring..."  
"I get that Stella, I really do. What you have to understand is that you terrify me..." She stops a moment and Stella smirks at her words and she flushes scarlet with embarrassment. "Shit, no, I mean you and I, the thought of us terrifies me, it's the unknown."   
"I'm familiar with what you're feeling." The blonde replies almost bluntly, it sounds strange, detached.  
"But I must admit it, you do still scare me a little." Reed laughs, not being able to fully commit to a serious conversation about this.  
"Oh I expect nothing less, Professor." Stella smiles, her smile turning to a smirk as she looks at the other woman's face.  
"That sounded really great, okay yes let's ignore that for a minute." She fumbles with her words, laughing as she quells what she thinks is burning panic in her stomach but isn't actually sure. "You have to try and let me lead, what I'm comfortable with... you know?"  
"I'm up for taking this slow, I'm sorry, I really am. I'm willing to follow your lead, to cooperate, but it'll take some getting used to." Stella reassures her, unsure of what she's saying or if she truly means it, but she thinks she does. She is willing to relinquish her control for this. She knows Reed is worth it.   
"I'm going to kiss you, okay?" Reed smiles, her smile makes Stella's stomach go tight.  
"Always... Yes, definitely." She laughs desperately in response until Reed's soft lips meet hers, more gentle now, more amicable. Reed grabs Stella's hand and it ends up in her hair, the glossy locks clasped between her fingers.   
"Do you want to come to mine for Christmas?" Reed asks, mid kiss. Stella stops and pulls away to look her in the eyes to see if she's joking for some reason or other.  
"Excuse me?" She questions immediately.  
"You heard." Comes the blunt, matter of fact response and a look of anticipation.  
"But I- But- Well..." She panics, no idea what to say in reply. She stops for a second; she wouldn't have offered if she wasn't serious. Don't turn this down for room service and paperwork, that's not what Christmas should be like. "Oh screw it, yes please, if you're offering then yes I'd love to."  
"Of course I'm offering, you heard me ask. Well okay then that's sorted." Reed smiles warmly, that's her thing, she knows how to do domestic and Stella absolutely doesn't. She turns around and lays her legs across Stella's lap as she slides down into the sofa slightly. Every now and then Stella's hand creeps a little too far up her leg as she's absentmindedly running her fingers over the fabric of the other woman's trousers. Suffice to say that a sleepy Reed just lightly slaps her hand away and lays back down. They both fall asleep again like this, not for long but they do sleep all the same. The light of the Christmas tree and the muffled voices of the movie that had gone ignored for almost the entire time serve as a comfort to them both until Stella's phone starts to ring at half 6 and she answers it groggily and sighs as she starts to move around to get ready to leave. Reed is awake too, well nobody can ignore the blaring ring of a phone in the early hours of the morning. Stella runs her hands through her hair and rubs her fingers under her eyes to dull any smudged mascara and then rings for a taxi.  
"How do I look?" Stella laughs as she tugs on her heels slightly reluctantly.   
"You look great." Reed mutters, one eye slightly closed but still smiling. Stella can't hide a smile and just thinks 'is this what it's like then?' domestic life she means. It felt strange, it's been so long.   
A minute or so later she walks out into the hallway to get her coat and Reed follows her closely.  
"Will I be seeing you later then?" She asks quietly, her voice still heavy with sleep, something Stella cannot possibly ignore.  
"Maybe, maybe not... We'll have to see. After all, I do still have an appeal to write." She replies ambiguously, going to kiss Reed on the forehead until she tilts her head up slightly so that their lips meet instead.   
"Thanks again for how you were with the girls, they loved you." Reed smiles, resting her hand on Stella's coat lapel awkwardly. "You were really great."  
"They're amazing, they're very difficult to dislike I can assure you." The blonde responds, remembering how terrified she'd been the previous evening.  
"They'll be so excited that you're coming for Christmas." The biggest smile Stella has ever seen Reed have now graces her face.  
"It appears they aren't the only ones." Is the daring reply Stella gives met with embarrassed laughter that makes Stella feel giddy.  
"Go on, your taxi is probably here. Get going before you're late." Reed almost ushers her through the front door in the meantime. After several waves from each of them Stella's taxi leaves and Reed shuts the front door and goes and lies back on the sofa until she has to wake up ready for work at 9am. That's the good thing about the dead, the dead can wait, the dead are patient. Lying on the sofa everything smells of Stella's perfume and Reed drifts back to sleep comforted by the fact she isn't utterly terrified by the thought of her feelings for the woman any more. Not terrified by any means.

To put it plainly, the two women managed to switch off from their hectic and stressful jobs for Christmas and as Stella Gibson watched Reed Smith's youngest girl excitedly tear into presents from Santa her heart was genuinely warmed and it felt almost surreal that any of it was happening. A 'real' Christmas. A Christmas free from arguments is something Stella scarcely remembers, it was a rare occurrence. Everything was an argument or a battle in her family. But Reed and her two wonderful children made Stella feel more welcome than she ever could have imagined and she laughed more in that one day than she had in weeks. Reed managed to ignore the fact she was slightly terrified by how serious everything appeared to have gotten for most of the day. Stella reassured her she knew the feeling and wasn't enamoured with it either and all was well. And the girls... well they were just happy for presents and the attention but the oldest maybe couldn't help but notice her mum being that little bit happier than last year.

Christmas went by beautifully but it can only last so long and then everything goes back to normal, back to the stress and the crazy hours and the constant questions. This was their reality and this is what they liked best, this is something they can work with. And work with it they shall.


End file.
